Did we want more kids after having 3 boys? Were we going to keep trying until we got a girl?
The other day I received an email asking my thoughts on finally having a girl after having 3 boys. The reader also wanted to know if I was afraid that my husband could only produce boys and my experience with trying for a girl.
Let me start by saying that I absolutely 100% admit that I wanted to have a girl very badly. At one point I actually had a private blog that I only shared with internet friends called “Pink Dreams” where I wrote about all things related to wanting a baby girl someday. I’m sure Ken was nervous that we would end up having a dozen kids while we were trying for a girl. But I have to say I am so very very blessed because things couldn’t have worked out more perfectly.
We always talked about having 4 children, but never really what we wanted the sex of all the children to be. I mean it wasn’t like we said – we want 2 boys and 2 girls or any such thing. For those who do not know, Andrew, my 17 year old is Ken’s step-son.
Andrew was 4 years old when Ken and I got married. When we found out we were pregnant with our first child, exactly 4 weeks after our wedding, we talked a little bit about how we wanted a boy. Since we already had Andrew we thought it would be nice for him to have a little brother and Ken wanted to have a son to carry on his last name. So when we found out he was a boy we were excited and it felt meant to be. Enter Blake – son #2.
For whatever reason getting pregnant the next time took 10 months. We had just moved into our home we built the day after Blake turned 1 year old. We wanted to start trying after his first birthday so we could have two kids close together in age. It took month after month of trying and worrying about whether I was ever going to be able to get pregnant again. I don’t know if it was the stress of trying and all that we had going on with the new house or what. Finally it happened and we were thrilled. At that point we were grateful for just being able to get pregnant, let alone hoping for a boy or girl. By the time I was halfway through the pregnancy and was going in for the ultrasound where we would find out the sex of the baby – it was no secret I really wanted to have a girl. I remember even telling the ultrasound technician that we hoped to find out it was a girl. I recall her saying something like, “Well you don’t need to go buy any new clothes because it’s a boy” or maybe it was something like “You don’t have to redecorate the nursery…because it’s a boy”. Something like that. I can’t recall exactly all that was said between Ken and I after that appointment, but I know they were comments like, “It’s just meant to be” and “We just want a healthy baby”. While I was very disappointed I knew in the back of my mind we still had discussed many times that we wanted to have at least one more child so I still had hope for my baby girl. Welcome Chase – son #3. Read Chase’s Birth Story.
I also have to mention here that Andrew was spoiled rotten being my first baby. And then Blake was the easiest, happiest baby ever. Chase, who took 10 long months to be created by God (I like to joke), was such a stinker- cried so much and was rarely happy the first few months. So crazy!
Since it took so long to get pregnant with Chase, Ken and I both agreed that we would start trying to get pregnant right when Chase turned a year old. It was quite the surprise when we found out we were pregnant the first month we tried. I had found out a few days prior to the surprise 30th birthday party that I threw for Ken and we ended up telling everyone at the party that we were pregnant again. I think people were beginning to think that we didn’t know how to use birth control or something but every one of our children were planned. At this point I was driving myself crazy hoping that the baby was a girl. I had already had 3 C-sections and not without complications. When Chase was born I had a lot of scar tissue and surgery took a little bit longer than usual. We had not said for sure that this would be my last pregnancy, but if we stuck with the original plan, it would be. Especially after Chase was such a difficult baby, we were like – this is it. No more!
The day I went in for the big gender reveal ultrasound I was so nervous. Nervous that if it was a boy that Ken would not want to try again. And nervous that maybe I wouldn’t even want to try again. I never really thought to myself – what if Ken CAN’T produce boys. I mean out of all those sperm there had to be some girl ones in there, right? And it only takes one. I didn’t do any research to read the statistics on the chances of having another boy verses girl. I never stopped thinking that it was a 50/50 shot, period. When the ultrasound tech told us it was a girl, it was like one of the best moments of my life. I remember hugging the tech and saying THANK YOU! She said – “Don’t thank me, thank him”, as she pointed to Ken. Which yes, is so true. Ken did finally give me my baby girl. And he is soooo lucky because after her birth via C-section delivery my physician told me that I couldn’t have any more babies. I was in surgery several hours longer than I should have been and she had to call in another surgeon to help her because she couldn’t get my uterus to stop bleeding. I recall during surgery thinking, oh my goodness – I finally got my baby girl and I am not going to make it through the birth.
Welcome Karli – the birth of our baby girl did feel like it completed our family. Read Karli’s Birth Story here. At this point we had Andrew who was almost 9 years old and so mature for his age. Blake had just turned 4 and was the happy, go lucky boy of the bunch – always joking and laughing about something. Chase was 20 months old, jumping around off and on the furniture and what we thought at the time – the perfect age gap for the two youngest siblings. They would be so close, best buddies, inseparable. 8 years later and we are still waiting for those things to happen. :) They have been the same height and weight for the past several years so many times people ask if they are twins. Like most siblings like fight like crazy and on the rare occasion that they get along everything feels perfect.
Since we had 3 children in 4 years, I don’t think I really had much time to think about – What if I never got my girl? I mean I wished and prayed as much as possible, but in the end I knew that whatever was meant to be – would be. If there was some reason that I was meant to be the mother of all boys instead then that is what I would accept. I don’t think families who have all the same sex children should be disappointed. I mean there have to be advantages to having all boys or all girls. All the handing down of clothes and sports gear. The sharing of bedrooms if needed. Having the kids enjoying the same activities and things like that have to be so much easier. Karli gets bored more often than the boys and that wouldn’t happen as often with all boys or all girls. Girls are so different than boys I don’t know if I could have handled more than 1. I think if Chase would have been a girl, we may have stopped at 3. We always said we wanted 4 kids, so in a way, we got exactly what we wanted. One little princess to complete the trio of princes.